Thoughts on starting therapy

Starting therapy can feel like a big step.

For some people, it arrives after a crisis. For others, it begins with a quieter feeling — a sense that something feels difficult, stuck, overwhelming, or simply hard to carry alone. Sometimes people come to therapy because life has changed. Sometimes because they have changed. And sometimes because they want a space to understand themselves more fully. If you are considering therapy, it’s completely understandable to feel uncertain.

You might wonder: Will I know what to say? What if I don’t know where to start? What if it feels uncomfortable? What if I’ve never done this before?

The truth is, many people begin therapy without a clear plan. You do not need to arrive with the right words, a fully formed story, or a specific problem to justify being here. Therapy can simply begin with curiosity — or with the feeling that something matters enough to pay attention to.

I spend a lot of time alongside queer people and LGBTQ+ communities, and I know that reaching out for support can come with additional layers. You may have had experiences of not feeling understood, of needing to explain yourself, or of learning to hold difficult things quietly. You may be navigating identity, relationships, family dynamics, gender, belonging, grief, or change. Or you may want support with something that has nothing to do with being queer at all.

Wherever you are starting from, my hope is to offer a space where you do not have to edit yourself to be understood. Therapy is not about being “fixed.” It is not about having the perfect explanation for how you feel. Often, it begins much more simply: creating enough room to slow down, notice what has been difficult, and explore what might help things feel different.

Some sessions may feel relieving. Some may feel emotional. Some may feel surprising. Often, therapy unfolds gradually — through conversation, trust, and the experience of being listened to without judgement.

You do not need to have reached a breaking point to deserve support.

Sometimes therapy begins because you want things to change. Sometimes because you want to understand yourself better. Sometimes because you are tired of carrying things on your own.

Whatever brings you here, starting is enough.

If you’re thinking about therapy and unsure whether it’s the right time, that uncertainty is welcome too. We can begin there.

Feeling behind

Many people carry a quiet, persistent worry: I’m behind.

Behind in relationships. Behind in understanding who they are. Behind in experience, in confidence, in life. But the idea of being behind relies on a timeline—and most of those timelines were never built to fit everyone. They’re shaped by cultural expectations about relationships, identity, and what a “normal” life should look like. If your path doesn’t match that, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It often means the template was too rigid to begin with.

Identity, especially around sexuality and gender, doesn’t have a deadline. Some people understand themselves early; others take time. For many, it shifts and evolves across their lives. That isn’t a problem—it’s part of being human. The same is true for relationships and intimacy. 

Experience isn’t a race. Not having done certain things yet doesn’t mean you’re lacking—it may mean you haven’t felt safe, ready, or aligned with what you truly want. That context matters.

Comparison can make all of this feel worse. It’s easy to assume others are “ahead,” but we rarely see the full picture of their struggles, doubts, or disconnection. Measuring yourself against others often pulls you further away from what you actually need.

Sometimes, feeling “behind” is really about fear—of judgment, rejection, or getting it wrong. Therapy can be a space where those fears are explored gently, without pressure to rush or have everything figured out. There is no correct pace for becoming yourself. 

Instead of asking “Why am I behind?”, it can be more helpful to ask: “What has shaped my pace—and what do I need now?” Because progress isn’t about catching up. It’s about moving toward a life that feels more honest, more aligned, and more your own. And that kind of movement—no matter how slow—is never behind.